Spike and I

It's official. I am starting a dog walking/running business in Tacoma! I should have everything ready to go pretty soon. Just in time to enjoy the pacific northwest torrential rains.

www.spikeandi.com

coming soon...

∆

It's here. It happens. We grow. We learn.

My Theology Class

I have never taken a theology class before and find myself surprised by my lack of thought in this area. I thought that I had been thinking about this, but to my surprise I never REALLY considered the evolution of say "the trinity." In the context of the brillant minds I feel surrounded by I find this quite embarrassing! For years I have been spoonfed ideas, constructs, traditions, and words with little curiousity as to the history behind them. I was not the type of person to spend hours wondering or being curious about philosophy. I was curious about different things. I am grateful for the chance to be curious about theology, to have conversations, and listen to the experience of others. Not that I haven't had this before, it is just different with an academic study to speed the process. In reading my texts for my theology class I find myself just saying Thank You to God. I have a strange peace about me.

And yes, you'll notice the word is spelled incorrectly in the blog heading. It is with purpose. Go back and read one of the first entries. You'll see why.

The Next Season

You could quite easily be thinking I am referring to the impending change in chlorophyll, cooler nights, and looming gray skies. But, I'm not. Quite simply I am talking about my recent purchase of Season number 3, of dum duh dah...Grey's Anatomy. Yes, the engaging drama rife with professionals, who, frankly would benefit from some serious counseling. I am, however, biased.

It's these little things in life that make me smile. Like being so excited about my new vacuum cleaner that I post a picture of it on the website. This thing really makes you want to clean. Silly as it may be, I even decked it out with some stickers!

I also had to laugh at myself today for losing the cap to my laundry detergent. Of course there are other options, but instead I chose to lug the 3 gallon jug to the washer, push the button until I think I've added the right amount of soap, and then lug the soap back. To think I majored in Chemistry...definitely not analytical!

Lastly, I love watching my dog sleep. It makes me want to take a nap.

And on Tuesday I start fiddle lessons. Have to get ready for Wintergrass.

Me and the Boys

Say Hi to Max, Mogley, Austin, Koda, Spike, and I!

Wedding #3

yeah, they are squinting...it was really sunny


We kind of look like speed skaters.

The Rehearsal Dinner...Good Food, Wine, People. I like the scene this picture captures: the many moments in community it represents, and the conversations that echo from it, and the peace found in unlikely spots of chaos.
Congratulations Katie and Peter! Your wedding was amazing and beautiful. Meeting your friends and family was a gift and an adventure. Your friendship is lovely. Thank you.

A Rocky Mountain Visit

Colorado is stunning. I had the pleasure of spending six glorious days in the little touristy town of Breckenridge. One of my closest friends from High School got married, this being wedding number 3 of the summer. Katie and Peter are wonderful, and I wish them adventures, love, and contentment. I tend to wish most married couples that in case you were wondering.

I decided after being on vacation, eating donuts, reading leisurely, exploring new geographies, sleeping in, meeting fun new people, biking, drinking coffee in fun cafes, reading, and playing, that I need to go on more vacations! Don't we all. I wish Spike could have come and played in the mountains too.

Kristy and Seth

Beautiful. Congratulations Kristy and Seth. It was an honor.

Mel Gibson's Next Movie

Perhaps Mel Gibson should read the gospel of psuedo-Matthew...it is quite entertaining. Read it here:
http://wesley.nnu.edu/biblical_studies/noncanon/gospels/psudomat.htm
Jesus makes dragons bow to him, lots of wild beasts, palm trees, and more-all while just an infant. Mary is pretty much "ultra-woman," who goes to great lengths to preserve her virginity. Nonetheless, this is an entertaining read. I read it for my New Testament final as an example of what a Gospel is NOT.

24 hour car camping bliss

My soon to be married friend, married friend, and I headed to Leavenworth for a short but event filled camping extravaganza. A few of the highlights include (in order of occurence):
1. Driving in K.Rob's New, Air Conditioned CRV over the pass and through the mountains.
2. Meeting the elusive, but oft mentioned "Nick and Di."
3. Finding an awsome campsite by a gurgling creek.
4. Eating crepes in a look-a-like Bavarian Town,
5. Drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade, talking, and eating smore's with the campfire going strong.


6. Seeing a deer saunter right by our campsite.
7. Sleeping outside
8. Waking up at 5:30 am to beat the 100 degree heat.
9. HIking to an awsome alpine lake.




10. Laying out on a huge rock then swimming in the alpine lake
11. Meeting Mr. Marmot...we debated whether this creature was a male or female and decided to go with a guy. He was really cute!

12. Purple flowers
13. Starbucks
14. Driving in K.Rob's New, Air Conditioned CRV over the pass and through the mountains. And taking a nap.
15. Arriving home safe, then taking Spike for a long walk and to the dog wash.

My Girls :)

Love YA!

Wedding #1

Peter and Kari. Thank You. May you grow together in love, wisdom, grace, laughter, community, and God. Love ya.

riding in a limo, drinking champagne
A. Damn in feels good to be a gangsta..
B. I'm bringin sexy back...
C. She's freaky and she's knows it...

Lake Chelan Triathlon

We are the Champions...okay not really but we can act like it
Mogley wants in on the action too!

Lisa-aka my support crew, and I

Happy after race glow in my cool new duds

Run

Transition 1

I am proud to say I finally got around to completing my first triathlon. I'm hooked. If they weren't so expensive and I wasn't unemployed I'd sign up for more. Hopefully I'll be able to do at least one more this summer. The weekend was fantastic. Good weather, good people, good scenery, and a good race (contrary to last years disaster). I did a lot better than I expected, I thought I would finish in about 3.5 hours. But I finished in a little over 2.5! My total time was 2:36, at this point in my racing career, the seconds are not essential. I got 2nd in my age group. That sounds pretty good, but there was only about 9 females. However, I placed 7th overall female, and 32nd overall. There were only 100 people though, so really, no big deal. I did get a pretty second place ribbon though. I was very pleased with my first one and had a blast. And I didn't puke or die or cramp up so really, I'd say it was a success.

The guys also got second in their Halfiron relay, they too recieved pretty red ribbons.

Thanks to lisa, bean, seth, max, james, mogley, and spike for a great weekend.

I'm a Happy Boy

The Economy Bible

I needed to buy a Bible so where did I go? Where else but amazon.com. What did I find. I found the "Economy Bible" and had to laugh at the description. No, it's not an economics textbook, it's a Bible. Since I have an economy car I thought, why not go for the economy Bible right? I bought it and hope that it's not missing chapters or something. It made me smile. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll upgrade to the "luxury" edition at some point...

No Morphine Button Here

I have obsessively watched Grey's anatomy, yes seasons 1 & 2, over the last month. Maybe it is McDreamy, all the sleeping around, or good quality dissociation. I say that to preface my following thoughts...

Counseling, that is being IN counseling, going to therapy, seeing your shrink, whatever phrase you prefer to use is like surgery. Think about it. When you go into surgery a team of tech's, nurses, various doctors, and surgeons each use their specialized skills to cut you open, move things around, perhaps take something out, sew something up, and then put you back together. Depending on the surgery the recovery may be long or short. If you're lucky friends and family stop by your room to talk and bring flowers, nurses check in and take vital signs, doctors do their rounds, and you get drugs to ease the pain. You may go to PT, OT, or some other type of rehab therapy to return to your pre-op condition.

Then there is being in counseling. It is like having surgery on your psyche, your being, but without the morphine drip. All your insides are exposed, you are vulnerable. There is internal patching up, rearranging, and removing. Like recovery from surgery, recovering from the psychological incision takes a lot of time and energy. Often it happens without friends and family bringing flowers when you hurt. In fact, people around you may not even know you have gone under "the knife." But you feel the shift of your insides and the pain of the incision. You monitor your vital signs yourself and hope to God you are reading them right. When the pain gets unbearable you reach for the morphine; sex, drugs, relationship, food, exercise, whatever eases the pain. Except there is no IV and it takes time for the medicine to reach the site. The wound may become infected and need more attention. Or perhaps the first surgery had complications and required a second. Sometimes it may feel as if you are a walking operating room with your insides just dangling here and there. As you walk by your doctor, you ask with discomfort, "ugh, how long is this going to last? I mean, how long can I stay alive like this?"

Then, in time, you take your first steps with your new heart, breath for the first time with your new lungs and there is life. You exist in the world in a new way and still have some scars. Every once in awhile you may have to go back in for minor surgeries, or maybe even major. But when you recover, you recover what it means to truly live as well. And the morphine button doesn't actually look all that appealing anymore.

when i write we i mean i when i write i i mean you when i write i i mean us...?

We are faced with decisions about how to live and for what everyday. Sometimes we think about it, sometimes we don't, the complacency of routine lulls us into security or acceptance. We are afraid to step into the unknown for fear of what we may lose, the trouble it may cause, the insecurity of not knowing. All of which are quite necessary to include when making a decision. But sometimes you just have to go with your gut. In between the head and the heart exists a body of ambiguity. How do you live with that ambiguity? We can resort to our head, which I often do. We can resort to our heart, which I often do. Or we can struggle to hold both. Sometimes the anxiety is too much to hold both and the pendulum swings one way or another.

I need to decide every morning how I will choose to live. Will I live for money, stuff, health, job, family, people, God, appearance, feeling, security, risk, adrenaline, joy, friends, soul, prestige, performance, music...? At least I'm asking the question.

1. Some mornings I don't decide, I sleep in late, drink too much coffee, and sit on the couch indecisively...all day. That's okay.

2. Some mornings I am decisive, self-aware, conscious, motivated, and hopeful. That's okay.

3. Sometimes we make decisions and later ask the question "what the hell was I thinking?" That's okay.

4. Sometimes the decisions we make scream "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" That's okay.

Today I hope the decision I make includes #'s 1, 2, and 4.

Father's Day

Memories fade over time, what used to be so clear becomes blurred...Father's Day. I ran at the waterfront watching young families picking shells on the beach together, lone old men walking slow and alone, father and son riding bikes, a single leaf falling from a tree. Symbolism. I felt sorrowful for the relationship I once had with my father, for the children who have or who have never known their father, for all the dad's that are just plain jerks, for the estranged relationships, for the pain of families. Heavy and contemplative.

My Dad was a stellar man. He loved me well, loved my mom well, and loved my friends well. He had a temper. I often wonder what life would be like if he was still around today. It could be harder and infused with more pain or it could be lighter. I won't know. Perhaps it seems strange to you to have grief be so present 12 years later. It is for me, but I find rest in acknowledging the confusing pain of loss. Grief feels big, onminous, unspecified, peaceful. I'm finally able to cry the tears I tried to control for so many years and I find there are others around to catch them. They hold a cup for me to cry and are not drown by my sadness or confusion. I am at rest.

I was young when my Dad left this world. I didn't know what to do except go on. So I did. Now I am finding time and space to pause, remember, and grieve. Today is a day I feel loss, and a lot of it-not just of my dad but more. It comes at different moments, surprising, not so surprising. Sometimes it feels like life falls apart.

Thesis: Loss of Relationship

Conclusion: Hard, Sad, Life...

mush

A New Genre

Today I was informed of a new genre often utilized, easily recognized, but not often enough named:
that of the "half-assed, rapid-write, hope to God this does the job" paper
Not that I have any idea what my Professor and T.A. were talking about...