Father's Day

Memories fade over time, what used to be so clear becomes blurred...Father's Day. I ran at the waterfront watching young families picking shells on the beach together, lone old men walking slow and alone, father and son riding bikes, a single leaf falling from a tree. Symbolism. I felt sorrowful for the relationship I once had with my father, for the children who have or who have never known their father, for all the dad's that are just plain jerks, for the estranged relationships, for the pain of families. Heavy and contemplative.

My Dad was a stellar man. He loved me well, loved my mom well, and loved my friends well. He had a temper. I often wonder what life would be like if he was still around today. It could be harder and infused with more pain or it could be lighter. I won't know. Perhaps it seems strange to you to have grief be so present 12 years later. It is for me, but I find rest in acknowledging the confusing pain of loss. Grief feels big, onminous, unspecified, peaceful. I'm finally able to cry the tears I tried to control for so many years and I find there are others around to catch them. They hold a cup for me to cry and are not drown by my sadness or confusion. I am at rest.

I was young when my Dad left this world. I didn't know what to do except go on. So I did. Now I am finding time and space to pause, remember, and grieve. Today is a day I feel loss, and a lot of it-not just of my dad but more. It comes at different moments, surprising, not so surprising. Sometimes it feels like life falls apart.

Thesis: Loss of Relationship

Conclusion: Hard, Sad, Life...